Our story

Following the sudden traumatic death of my partner Ryan, overnight our lives imploded. What was a normal Friday night suddenly turned into a living nightmare. After 48 hours of watching nurses try method after method to stabilise him, I knew in my heart I had to get our children here. Having to explain to my young children, that we needed to go and see daddy in the hospital, that he was very poorly. "There will be lots of wires attached to him and a tube that is helping him breathe" is a conversation that will stay with me forever. Seeing their faces, as I watched them hold his hands, as machines were turned off is something no child should have to go through. There big strong superhero, not able to swoop them up in his arms.

Unless you have experienced such a loss it's hard to put into words the pain and isolation you wake up with, live through and fall asleep with daily. Grief is heavy. It changes every part of your existence. Knowing how to navigate my own life is difficult. Ensuring my children are supported is a whole other walk into the unknown.

My children feel very much alone, like they are the only children this has happened to. They get jealous watching other children at the park with their dads. They don't understand how or why this has happened to our family.

Accessing support has been difficult, I reached out to various charities who were only able to send leaflets. The GP who is so inundated with mental health referrals a talking therapy number is all they were able to offer. Eventually the school funded 12 weeks worth of a 30minute weekly grief counselling sessions. These small children lost a significant person, that made them feel safe and loved beyond measure. There worlds will never be, what it once was and in my opinion this support is not good enough.

My aim is to use all this pain inside and turn it into purpose. To honour Ryan in a positive way. Keeping his memory alive and allowing his stories to continue to be told by creating a charity for bereaved children. To help other families who have unfortunately ended up in the same situation as mine. Form a community for bereaved children. Signpost and offer support to parents who are trying to find ways to cope with this difficult journey. You are not alone.